Emotions and songs

Stumbled upon two old songs. Alphaville – Forever Young and ALBATROS – S-A MARIT ARMATA
Mandatory army training law was changed before my 18. But while I was very young, heard some stories about army training. The implications of this training had, even then, a major emotional impact on me. I imagined when this training will be useful, and this gave me shivers. In war times. In complete madness, hardly knowing were are your relatives, or if they are even alive. Maybe never seeing them again.

Yesterday I felt again all this emotions. And the “forever young” made me aknowledge how much time has past (almost 20 years) in a painfully sarcastic way.

Looking for a relationship

For a couple of days I’m seriously thinking about actively looking for a relationship.

Confusion flows through my mind though.

1. dating websites. Nowadays you  can make a living just by using freelancer websites and your skills. Why can’t we use dating websites to meet someone?

Being an onliner, optimism was present. Not for long, issues ahead:

-limited number of dating websites for Romania. With very limited free actions. Moderated pictures with big waiting times. Didn’t like it.
-paid dating. I just hate this. Ads don’t bring enough revenue? How much bandwidth does this website need? What they bring to the table? For me, paid dating means many fake female profiles.
-free dating. Mostly older female, and ugly chicks looking for a prince.

 

2. facebook. What if I was using it wrong, the whole time? I remembered the graph search. (Man, how extraordinary was in the presentation.)

Searched for “Friends of my friends who are single women“. Probably the most used graph search. And scroll, scroll, scroll.

Many hot chick. But…
…they are so preoccupied by their looks. And barely saw an interesting girl.

 

Back to the drawing board. What I’m doing wrong? Maybe girls that I like are not using facebook so much, or don’t share their relationship status, thus making this facebook search flawed. And too easy.

My fear

As always, we start with a cliché: Everyone has a fear of something.

I fear success. Crazy huh?
Fear of money, drugs, fast cars, STDs or something similar. Not even close.

 

My fear is connected with my inability to recognize good people to hang around. Tendency is to treat everyone well. I’m alright with that. But somehow, most people don’t stay around much.

Fake friends. That’s  what I’m afraid of. How I will distinguish between real and fake. My strategy was, to bond with people before any sign of rise. These explains, most shots in the foot that I did.

It doesn’t seem to work right. Some say, you are lucky if you have even just one friend. (Older I get,  truer it seems.)

 

Or maybe I will limp forever looking for real friends..

 

Anti something

When you see many bad things around there is a chance you haven’t adapted your mindset, to current realities.

Old people around you, remember old times without all this technology.
Nowadays many are against something. But the main cause is rapid changes that occur.
Me? Corporatism. Don’t like it.
Corporations don’t care about environment, and consequently about people. Big companies mimic morals. People instead, have flexible morals.
Smaller companies will adapt. And humble people.

Good days

Today it was one of my best days lately.

Not less than 4 things were amazing today. Money, money, friends and possible love.

Other than that my cold doesn’t give up. But cold becomes so little when you are happy.

While I wrote those lines some guy was starring behind me in the bus. Saw him in the last moment, before getting out the bus. Funny he also got out.

Smelled trouble, took my wobbly confident walk, inflated chest, clapped two times like a gorilla would do, and waited: I have a good day, and I keep it like that.

Friends

You know your friends. It’s easy to see where things are going, you just have to open your eyes and be sincere with yourself.

Today, a little disappointment showed up. Met a friend, but couldn’t talk. I saw there a former friend.

He was sometimes selfish. Everyone is selfish sometimes, so we got along anyway. Loneliness is a big factor in this equation, my loneliness. From the first moment, seemed to be a matter of advantages that could go from me to him.

But, he helped me two times. First time as a friend, second as a partner. And I guess he was disappointed one time, because I didn’t told him by one job, that I wasn’t proud at all. From outside looked like a good job.

The question is: do I know me?

Safe on the WEB?

Have you ever wondered why do they call it “world wide web“?

Because you can easily tangle yourself in it.
It’s not the actual reason, but …

An online history of my actions is not really comfortable.  This info in the right hands can be golden. Check the story of  twitter account @N.

 

You could do just unimportant stuff on the web. Or change your account for every service you use. But the fight against spam, made it harder to make e-mail addresses. Thus, much easier to link pieces of the puzzle.

 

What do you think: Are my concerns justified?

What I should write, what i should not?

I had this dilema for a very long time. Right from the first thought of an online blog.

What is too personal to be written online?
If i’m impersonal, will people be engaged?
What if something that is cached by Google backfires?

I tried my writing in romanian, without much success.

 

Maybe my writing is uninteresting, maybe is too personal, maybe writing in english?

 

Anyway, learned some lessons:

1.Start little.
As in, making some custom images for every post is not the best idea. I felt overwhelmed and didn’t even start.

2.Get enough data.
I couldn’t respond to my question because of my lack of data. Admitting some stupid stuff, and deleting afterwards is more productive than not writing at all.